My mind won't settle..

This is coming strait from my mind. Nothing edited.

I was trying to go to bed earlier than what I usually do but my mind wouldn't stop wondering.

I remember when I was in elementary school my teacher would always make me go out into the hall or stand up next to my desk because I used to never pay attention. As far as paying attention in class goes, I stopped that bad habit. But lately...

I jus stare up at my ceiling and my thoughts go on and on...

I usually don't get to bed till 6 ish in the morning, then I get up and start cleaning the house. My thoughts range from the creation of man, to past books I've read,to random theories, to my love life and then at some point I think of how I went grocery shopping today. It seem like every other man (with a girlfriend, wife or single. At all ages) would just shamelessly stare. I understand if you're a single guy, but men with girlfriends and wives. They have no excuse. How disgusting.

I mean shit...

I hate it when people stare...

I don't like attention much...

Not too much attention anyway. I guess that's why I'm so antisocial. I mean I have two best friends.

That's why I like winter so much, so I can cover up. Yeah, wearing a baggy ass hoody again would be nice. Takes the attention away.

And then I think about how I want to get a paintbrush or a pencil and just cover the ceiling.(Because I stare at it so much) Not because of the artist in me, but because I can't stand staring at blank shit. It drives me crazy.

Then I think about my mom. I mean I hate the way she acts out sometimes. She told me once that it was because of what my dad used to do and that she can't help it. Who am I to tell her to be normal? But sometimes I just don't have the patience or the right nerves. Sometimes it feels like she's the younger sister I have to take care of.

And then my family is no different. I'll never understand them. To fit in my family you have to be G. And I'm not like that, as you know. Someone from my family even told me that I belonged in a strip joint or something of that nature. Said I had a pretty face, a nice body, but no mind.

I just want to escape sometimes. I think that's why I love music, books, and movies so much. I guess that's why I want to travel so much too. But the reality is I can never escape.

Only cowards do that.

So what do I do?

I stay up at night and write.

A complete fucking bust..

So this summer has been a complete drag. I have been trying to look for a new job, but that just isn't working out. Not just that but my enitre summer just kind of sucks, not to mention I have absolutely no love life.

Boo.

I'm just ready for school to strat so I can hurry up and graduate and go to Europe. A m e r i c a   s u c k s. You know, my aunt told me the other day that black women are actually considered exotic over there. That blew my little mind, I tell ya. Which is why I must go. Oh yeah ad the food and stuff too. Come on Europe!

Yea another horrible thing happened to me when I went to the mall the other day. Alayna and Susan urged me to get another bra fitting.

[sigh]

T h e y  g r e w!!

34DD

My boobs are way to big. What the fuck am I supposed to do with boobs that big?

all fa now...

I'm out.

Happy Easter!!

Happy Birthday to Alayna and Alex.

Yall rock my sox.

Oh Shit.

Here come the tornadoes.